The Daily Colonist, November 26, 1914

#dailycolonist1914 - The news out of Victoria, British Columbia, 100 years ago today:

• Germans are reported to be using some kind of "silent cannon" that makes no noise when fired, that in areas where trenches are very close troops are talking back and forth and agreeing to ad hoc cease-fire agreements [this is another lead up to the famous informal Christmas cease-fire, and will later be "solved" by old men in charge by introducing troop rotation so the cannon-fodder won't have time to get friendly enough to agree not shoot each other], but life in the trenches is generally cold and miserable.\240
• It seems a story from yesterday about disappointing recruitment drives at football [soccer] matches that I took as unimportant is a more serious problem to some. The British Prime Minister is expected to be asked to introduce legislation banning football matches for the duration of the war.
• A large shipment of tobacco products is being sent to Canadian troops.
• Strange political machinations in the hard-to-comprehend politics of Egypt.
• Commendations for British and French pilots for Zeppelin-shed raids.
• Canada's first expeditionary force expected to be on the front lines before Christmas. The article goes on to detail the physical training the men are getting.
• In an extension of the programme of internment of "enemy aliens" all Canadian soldiers with German-sounding names in the Salisbury Plain camp, many of which are decorated Boer War veterans, are arrested, removed, questions and likely to be interned.\240
• An editorial describing Basra and its strategic significance.
• A senator from Saskatchewan defends the loyalty of Galacians and Hungarians on the prairies [like my four paternal grandparents].
• Questions in London Parliament about annuities being paid to members of the British royal family living in Germany [Note that King George V, Kaiser Wilhelm and Tsar Nicholas are all first cousins, members of the\240House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, and King George will create the House of Windsor during the war to distance himself from his German roots.]

http://www.britishcolonist.ca/dateList.php?year=1914

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Source: http://www.mbarrick.com/blog/141126/daily-colonist-november-26-1914

Parody Lyrics for "King of Spain"

Sing to the tune of "King of Spain" by Moxy Früvous (original lyrics by Michael Ford, Murray Foster, David Matheson, and Jian Ghomeshi)...

"Host of Q"

Once I was the host of Q (now I eat humble pie)
Oh my unspeakable vice, rough sex (now I eat humble pie)
I'm telling you I was the host of Q (now I eat humble pie)
And now I get no CBC paycheques...

Royalty, lord it good looked good on me,
In leather chaps in the royal boudoir, forcing girls to have sex with me,
Or playing "choke some 'ho" with the Princess of Monaco,
Telling my jokes to the CBC listeners, and getting it all on video.

Once I was the host of Q (now I eat humble pie)
My fame and fortune were so dope...
I'm telling you I was the host of Q (now I eat humble pie)
Soon I'll worry when I drop the soap.
Can't it wait? Don't close the prison gate!
My people say,
"Jian, how can you be such a genius?
"Your rambling audio essays were so great!"
It's crazy that you even give a care
What I get up to on weekends.
It was rough, but consensual, I swear!

Once I was the host of Q (now I eat humble pie)
Johnathan Luis, I've got a problem, please call me!
(now I eat humble pie)
I'm telling you I was the host of Q...
Now the T.O. police have picked me up and everyone knows I'm a phony.

Now some of you may be wondering how I came to be arrested in Canada
After hosting Q on Radio One mornings (should I tell them?)
(Tell us, Jian!)
For you see, late at night while good folks are asleep
In my royal chambers and elsewhere, I was a creep.
I'd lurk around Queen Street West when the moon was lighting the pitch
And pick up on peasant girls half the age of me
And spank them with a switch.

(Prince and Pauper, Junior and Whopper
World made up of silver and copper.)

Against their volition, I'd force them into position.
So every time, remember this lesson of mine:
Consensual sex is more luscious,
One should ask b'fore one touches.

Once I was jamming with Moxy Früvous (now I eat humble pie)
And I'm telling you I was the host of Q (now I eat humble pie)
And now I'm just a creepy dufus.