The Decline and Fall of the American Empire

[mbarrick]

After seeing this article in St. Über's journal I feel compelled to talk about a thought that kicks around in my head from time to time.

I first had the thought when I was about nine years old or so and it slowly took on more detail as my education expanded. I've often wondered what it would be like for an ordinary citizen living somewhere in the Roman Empire in the second or third century AD. Well, looking at America here from the left-over western fringe of another empire it's also slowly become clear that it isn't something I really need wonder about in the abstract. Not because it isn't relevant to the present, but rather because it is the present.

With historical hindsight we know now that the Empire was crumbling, Julius Ceasar had, with the best of intentions, forever ruined the Republic. But, like today I seriously doubt Iosephus Ordineus (i.e. "Joe Average") in some place like Londinium or Antioc would have given a rat's ass about the high-level politics in Rome. The Empire was expanding, there were new goods and slaves in the market so I'm sure it all seemed just fine. I'm sure he wouldn't have really cared that each sucessive head of state was, with only minor exceptions, increacingly incompetent, insane, greedy, and otherwise unfit. Would he care they weren't following any rules for ascention? The bureaucrats are the ones that really run everything anyway! The might of the army was unqestionable. No one dared attack Rome, that Pax Romana was a incontavertable fact. And besides, with the Empire expanding as it was, all the wars and problems were incomprehensably far away anyway.

Then, sure, one barbarian tribe manages to attack Rome directly... no big deal, right? We'll just send our legions over the Rhine and the Danube and get the bastards where they live. So what if we have been giving them the short end of the stick in trade, forcing our culture and religions on them, and attacking and raiding them for the slave markets... we're the Roman Empire! Not since Carthage has anyone posed any real threat to us. And our way of life is clearly the best - just look at all our technology! We have philosophy! We have rule of law! Rome can't fall. There is no way uncivilised barbarians could ever pose any real threat... we'll just march in, shit kick them all, and when they are all Romans then we really won't have anything to worry about.