mbarrick | Vehement Ambivalence

The extent to which I both love and hate my life at the moment is indescribable. This, in and of itself, is bothersome.

I was feeling and behaving particularly flirty tonight. I think I may have inadvertently offended Trish.

Damn. Even as I am writing this I am oscillating between being absolutely pleased with the evening and having utter contempt for myself, everything, and everyone. I don't like this.

I want to tear down now buildings, rewrite the world, and wallow in every imaginable debauchery. But at the same exact time I more than crave a thousand year old stone house, to stand in the middle of a thousand generations of history, and to live an ordinarily pleasant life of Aristotilean moderation. This is the contradiction at the core of my being. This is the root of my bliss and misery.

I am building without a cornerstone.