News of the Stupid

[mbarrick]

Yes, despite his sweeping purge I'm still a member of Reptard's "Inner Circle" mailing list, probing the very depths of gullibility and stupidity. Ladies and gentlemen, you will be utterly astounded to learn that not only is the moon hollow as previously reported, but

• the Earth is also hollow and all the polar explorers were either lost or lying about the gaping polar holes.
• In keeping with the hollow planet theory, apparently plate tectonics is a massive conspiracy (never mind how well the coastline of South America fits with Africa)
• in fact all planets are hollow (not too sure how that works for gas giants) and the mathematics of gravitational attraction are in error.
• The moons of Mars are orbiting Earth as a sign of the apocalypse
• Rh negative blood is a sign of genetic kinship with the ancient (reptilian) royal bloodlines (interesting considering my father was AB- and my sister is O- [which further implies that my mother, while Rh positive must have a recessive Rh negative gene, as would I])
• UPC codes also happen to be a sign of the apocalypse and have "6-6-6" embedded in them, and, apparently, grocery-store clerks are "the beast".
• But, really, nothing can say it more clearly than this (note the capitals for dramatic emphasis) ACTUAL QUOTE from a message from one of Reptard's trusted researchers:

  THE amn goverment, it's like...ok...hey prull all tis rap liek afrea
  51...i knowit ecists...thers PICTURES OFMIT OFR CRYING OT LOUD! you
  can't lien t o me mother fujvkers. nbut now ther moved it..id on't
  ememver where..but theey diD! caue lke allihm...uhm..all...
  shit..all activity...yeah...allactivity has liek seased hte re.
  ykanow aht i';m sayin?
  buit yeah..FUCK ATHORKIT Y!
  HACK THJEPALENT!!!

"HACK THJEPALENT"?!? Uh. Syntax error...

Comments

I'm one of them....

[goth-posh.livejournal.com]

I'm RH-, do I get a memebership card now, or is it just bragging rights?

Re: I'm one of them....

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

This is perfect. I wonder how many other of the desciples are Rh-negative?

I am part royal reptile!

[uberbabe.livejournal.com]

Where's my small country I get to own??

Hey I'll settle for some major companies...

"Come on, I'm part of the illuminati officer, you have to at least reduce my speeding ticket... here's my organ donor card, see O-, you *must* know what THAT means"

Re: I am part royal reptile!

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

Maybe they'll let you drive through the tunnel with the chandeliers, just like Homer.

Re: I am part royal reptile!

[uberbabe.livejournal.com]

WOO HOO!!!

Does this mean I can start driving now, even though I've never even had a learners???

But officer, I'm apparently part of the illuminati, I have O- blood...

Hey, mabey THAT'S why they give those needles to you when your having babies and your Rh-... WOOoooOOOoooOOO

Re: I am part royal reptile!

[goth-posh.livejournal.com]

I always wondered why I got a lump on my ass after gettin those damned shots the first time! I HAVE A BLOODY IMPLANT!!! Now I am REALLY scared... What if there is some magic button somewhere and the Reptard leader can just flick the switch and I start my metamorphisis into full reptilian form? Egaads! I hope I don't start eating my kids or something...

St. Posh
*Living in Fear*

Re: I am part royal reptile!

[uberbabe.livejournal.com]

hey no, we're part of the royal reptiles. We control the world, it is our fate, our future, our... muhawhawha... DESTINY! They don't need to control us because we are hungry for power, thirsty for money, drunk with... well, just drunk... but you know what I mean...

C'mon... we are the heiresses to small fortunes, we could be ruling entire countries right now...

Damn it, damn it, why did *I* have to be the outcast of the family, I could've been chealsea clinton...

[sleeplessknight.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! That's hilarious! More proof that this guy is whacked. ^_^

No, no, no! Your capitalization is all wrong.

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

It's more PROOF that this guy is WHACKED.

I always suspected the gravity thing...

[reive-d.livejournal.com]

Now it's official.

There is no gravity. The Earth sucks!