Another day in New York

After the Empire State building yesterday I went to see "From Hell" with a bunch of Elisabeth's friends. Or more precisely, we were on our way to the movie and went up the Empire State on a whim. The funny thing is that it turned out that I knew a couple of people at the cinema from C6. That was amusing.

Yesterday I went into the city by myself for the first time. I messed up a bit getting the bus out of New Jersey, but once I got into the city I was pleased with myself for navigating unaided to where I was meeting my guide for the day. I'm also amused that I rode the "A" train.

My guide for the day was Suzanne. I hadn't seen her in person for nine years so that in itself put a surreal spin on the whole day. But given the copious amount of history we have together and the fact that we have been in touch the conversation was easy and it felt comfortable. It was great to actually see her again.

Hanging out with Suzanne put a different spin on my New York experience. Suzanne, as I put it to her while we were having beers in an Irish bar later in the day, comes from and lives in a whole different world of money than I have ever been in. I feel more than a bit guilty for letting her pay for as much as I did.

We met at the subway station near Washington Square, near her place and then meandered through SoHo. She took me for lunch at a place on Little W. 12th St. - the kind of place where the serving staff pours more of your sparkling water from the bottle for you when your glass runs low. I'm more used to the sort of place that gives you tap water only if you ask for it.

From there we took a subway to Central Park. That was pretty amazing. I've seen so much of the park so many times in films and on television that it was wholly familiar despite having never been there before... sort of a post-modern deja vu experience. We people-watched in the park and laughed over how many people were having wedding photos taken. Practically everywhere we looked there was someone in a wedding dress!

Then we had to get back to her neighbourhood to pick up some film she had dropped off and she wasn't inclinded to walk or pile onto the subway again so we cabbed it. The cab went right by Grand Central Station, which was impressive. If I have time in the next couple of days maybe I'll go stick my nose in to have a look.

Next stop was an Irish bar near where she picked up her film. There we sat and discussed the woes of the world and the decline of the American Emprire over beer and cigarettes (OK, she didn't have a smoke and I only had one, but it sounds better pluralized).

Suzanne then led me across town to a favourite restaurant of her's in the Lower East Side. They knew her by name there. That made for a nice experience.

And then it was back to the Port Authority bus terminal and back to New Jersey. So goeth another day in New York.

The pictures of the day are here.

A cliché

How New York is this?

Much to Think About

Yesterday left me with a lot to think about. There was a part of me that knew all along that coming here was going to lead to some kind of epiphany, that was the point of the trip. I knew there was a question I didn't know how to ask and for no reason I can reasonably explain I knew coming here would help me find that question. That sounds flakey as can be... but I guess if I was a real flake I would have left the question unasked and blamed my confusion on anything but myself.

I remain a little confused about how to write down what is in my head, but just because I don't have the words doesn't mean the thought isn't clear. I'm looking back on the course I have navigated so far. But this isn't about regrets and what-ifs. It's a matter of how I got here affects what course I try to plot next. I have the feeling of those 19th century ship-on-a-stormy-sea paintings burned into my mind. The analogy means something to me. Sometimes I feel like the wind has died and I am adrift on currents I can't contol. Sometimes I feel like the winds are blowing too hard and the sails are ripped. Sometimes I feel like the wind is blowing the wrong direction and all my energy is going into tacking against it. And right now I am in a port, the hold is empty, and while there is work to be had whatever I choose will take me to ports I don't know along courses I'm not sure I can navigate safely.

Seeing Suzanne was a great thing. There is a decade of regret tied up with her and while the what-if will never go away I'm finally sure about the right now. Although I'll never know what might have happened if I had done something different in 1992 I at least know now that that particular ship has definitely sailed. I can't put my finger on how she or I have really changed, yet the change is tangible.

So now I need to reflect on myself and what I really want to do next. I know I could live here now. Same with Toronto. And Toronto looks like it is going to happen. It's what I do when I get there.

My Pumpkin from Sunday

From the Empire State Building

This almost doesn't look real