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[personal profile] mbarrick
"New York style" = small, overpriced, and the kitchen is in the living room.
"open concept" = the kitchen is in the living room
"garden level" = basement
"no smoking" = landlord is too cheap to paint
"no pets" = landlord is too cheap to change carpets
"sub-penthouse" = nondescript apartment somewhere above the middle of a bee-hive tower
"large/spacious studio" = shoebox
"soundproof" = concrete walls/floors that transmit every pin-drop like someone is bowling in the next apartment
"bright and open" = everything is painted eggshell white like every other apartment, ever.
"modern" = the kitchen is in the living room
"[X] minutes downtown" = effectively inaccessible by transit
"newly renovated" = repainted by amateurs with no concept of edging/masking and or the cheapest possible carpet has been installed

[EDIT] - even more:
"ocean views" = a body of water is *just* visible between two opposite buildings as viewed from a small alley-facing window (and similar for "mountain views" and "city views")
"quiet neighbourhood" = gang territory
‎"luxury" = one (but never all) of: air conditioning, fireplace, own parking space, high ceilings
"steps away from shopping" = there is a crappy corner store that sells candy, cigarettes, magazines and bizarre inedible things like peeled camel tongues, canned lizard eggs, and expired yak flavoured rice cakes 10 blocks away. For everything else you need a car or will have the take a bus.
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