Housing Rental Ad Glossary for Vancouver Home Hunters

[mbarrick]

"New York style" = small, overpriced, and the kitchen is in the living room.
"open concept" = the kitchen is in the living room
"garden level" = basement
"no smoking" = landlord is too cheap to paint
"no pets" = landlord is too cheap to change carpets
"sub-penthouse" = nondescript apartment somewhere above the middle of a bee-hive tower
"large/spacious studio" = shoebox
"soundproof" = concrete walls/floors that transmit every pin-drop like someone is bowling in the next apartment
"bright and open" = everything is painted eggshell white like every other apartment, ever.
"modern" = the kitchen is in the living room
"[X] minutes downtown" = effectively inaccessible by transit
"newly renovated" = repainted by amateurs with no concept of edging/masking and or the cheapest possible carpet has been installed

[EDIT] - even more:
"ocean views" = a body of water is *just* visible between two opposite buildings as viewed from a small alley-facing window (and similar for "mountain views" and "city views")
"quiet neighbourhood" = gang territory
‎"luxury" = one (but never all) of: air conditioning, fireplace, own parking space, high ceilings
"steps away from shopping" = there is a crappy corner store that sells candy, cigarettes, magazines and bizarre inedible things like peeled camel tongues, canned lizard eggs, and expired yak flavoured rice cakes 10 blocks away. For everything else you need a car or will have the take a bus.

Comments

[valerian.livejournal.com]

You forgot:

"ocean views" = a body of water is *just* visible between two opposite buildings as viewed from a small alley-facing window
"quiet neighborhood" = gang territory

[opium.livejournal.com]

HOTELS DO THAT TOO. I got a really nice hotel room in Auckland when I went to NZ, it was quite pricey, and it was supposed to be an ocean view - we could see a sliver of it.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

I take offense to your definition of No Pets.

Sometimes a landlord just doesn't want to have to pull up the underlay and carpet because a tenant let their cat pee on the brand new carpet and you can't get Cat pee smell out.

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

Actually, there are a number of carpet cleaning products specifically designed to get the smell of cat pee out. A few second with Google will prove it.

Any carpet cleaning company that claims it can't be done is unquestionably ripping you off.

In the increasingly distant world I grew up in a landlord could expect a tenant coming off a lease to clean their rental back to a rentable state, which would include getting smells out (but not so far as repainting, which would be reasonable wear-and-tear unless the tenant had themselves painted the apartment some odd colour) if they expected to get their full damage deposit back and, conversely, a tenant moving in could expect a clean carpet (if not a new one) and fresh paint. New carpet was common enough that you could tell if someone had been in their apartment for a long time by how out-of-fashion their carpet was. Of course this was in the same bizarre world where someone with a moderate job like a fisherman, logger, bank teller or a grocery store clerk could afford to buy house and support a family.

[tnkgrl.livejournal.com]

I remember this bizarre distant world.

It was also a time when paint and carpet where of high enough quality that it could reasonably be expected that they could actually be cleaned without feeling off or disintegrating.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

People were also much less abusive then as well.

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

Isn't that the truth. The culture of people being responsible for themselves and respectful of other people's things is gone. Something I could rant on about at length, as I'm sure you know.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

Part of the reason that the cheapest stuff is generally put in is because there is the expectation that the tenants will just fuck it up and there is no desire to waste money.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

Google can say a lot of things, but I can only speak from my personal experience.

As a landlord, I have gotten the best there is with truck mounted carpet cleaners, I have seen the guy take old caked in nail polish out the carpet and when everything was dried there was still be a smell of cat.

The horror stories I could tell you about how people left places when they moved out. You would be shocked by how people live and what they leave behind.

The most shocking was back in May, some tenants left a puppy behind.

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

That is shocking. And really it is this sort of thing that feeds my frustration. I take care of where I live, but find myself summarily dismissed because Elaine smokes and we have cats, while the worst sorts imaginable move into places without a problem and proceed to ruin things for everyone else.

The thing with the cat smell, the power of the cleaning equipment is irrelevant. Cat urine smell persists because it seeps in as a liquid and the crystallizes. Without the right chemical agent to dissolve the crystals it's like trying to suck a ship out of a bottle. All the right solvent to soak in and destroy the crystals and it comes out as easily as anything else. The guys operating the truck are chosen for the strength of their backs and work with what they are given, so they don't know, and the people buying the cleaning supplies are working in bulk and will naturally get what is cheap and plentiful. With the idea that cat urine smell is "impossible" to remove, the carpet cleaners have a built in excuse, and probably believe it themselves.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

Mike, you are a different sort all together.

I have found that there are 3 basic types of tenants, those you rent until they can afford to buy, those who can never afford to buy and those who could buy if they wanted to but enjoy the lack of headache from owning.

People in the 3rd category tend to be the best tenants as they are renting because they actually want to. Which is where you are.

The first group are pretty good, they are a bit abusive and they don't really want to be tenants and renting is a stop gap. With the forever renters being the worst. Of course, these are generalities and even in the group of forever renters there are people who are fantastic. Just as there are terrible people in the other 2 groups.

I will say this, I don't care about smokers unless they smoke like chimneys as the tobacco/tar will stain the paint. And if they are responsible, they will ensure that their don't burn the carpet with ash.

If you guys are interested in moving in the very slightest, we are building 4 townhouses near Isaac's place. they range from a 2 bedroom at about 900 sq/ft (garden level, stop with the smug grin) to an 1800 sq/ft 3 bedroom 3 bath. Completion should be around April 2011.

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

We are interested in something a little bigger, which is why I have been looking at the ads in the first place. There really isn't anything wrong with where we are (and a some things that are really good, like the location) so we are being very picky and our criteria aren't exactly average. Of course you know we are both working artists so home is more than just a place to flump in front of the T.V. and being carless by choice the difference of just a few blocks from shopping and other services can be a deal-breaker.

I'm definitely interested. But let's start with the one absolutely unchangeable thing - where *exactly* are they? It's no use negotiating anything else if the location won't work.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

15th and alberta. 2 blocks east of Cambie.

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

Brilliant. That'd be a very good location for us.

[dream-king.livejournal.com]

Front unit 1365 sq/ft south face 3 bed 3 bath (2 floors)
Rear unit 1300 sq/ft north face 3 bed 3 bath (3 floors (3rd floor is 1 bedroom and bath))
Garden Unit 900 sq/ft 2 bedroom 2 bath (south facing)
Coach house 1100 sq/ft 3 bed 3 bath + patio and deck

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

Do you have floor-plans you could send me? And, of course, what you are expecting for rent for each.

mbarrick@mbarrick.net