A lesson I was taught in the army

"If you don't ask nobody can say no"

Somebody out there was having a problem surprisingly similar to what just happened to me with the Royal Bank. I fixed it by breaking some rules. I guess that makes me a bad ZelleFallhammer. Too bad.

Damn

Nostalgia is bad. I have this plan of putting most of my old photographs up on my website and was going to scan a bunch in last night. I pulled out my old photo albums and that's when I started to get bummed. My big mistake was looking through my wedding album. It just so happens I got an overdue notice from my lawyer yesterday for the money I still owe on the divorce (fortunately the due date is 3 days after I get paid so I will manage). Then walking home I saw someone who looked so much like my ex-wife that I found myself staring from across the street for a moment before I realized it wasn't her. And finally now I had an invitation to a party next Saturday afternoon that in all likelihood she will be at. Fuck.

Maybe it is a good thing. I miss who she was, who she pretended to be. But whenever I see her in person I end up hating her all over again. Maybe it is time for a booster shot. Five minutes in the same room with her and I am good for another couple of years.

If I unambiguously had a girlfriend I wouldn't mind so much. It's when I am alone that I start thinking stupid thoughts. And - I may as well fess up to it - it would be a lot easier to face her girlfriend if I had one of my own.

Stupid, fucked-up life. Maybe I'll get lucky and get hit by a bus... oh, wait... they're on strike. Just my luck...

What am I whining about?

I have fish and vodka!

Oh, yeah...

And teriyaki sauce...

Pick a neurosis, any neurosis

They are fun for the whole family and they are free. They're giving them away in magazines and on TV. You can also pick them up from your neighbourhood church. If you want to pay a premium you can get the deluxe ones from the Ministry of Vital Statistics and your friendly, neighbourhood family law practitioner. They can also be picked up at your favourite bars and nightclubs and as a bonus you can also upgrade the ones you have while you are there. They are also fun to share. Hide a few under an old lover's pillow - they'll find them when they least expect them. Hours of fun.