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I found this brilliant little note folded up and wedged in by the door buzzer panel today after returning from the store.

The note is about 5" x 3" with this scrawled front and back. I've blurred out all the names, address and other information that could identify someone to protect both the sane and the insane. Verbatim transcript:
CSIS - here in Vancouver covertly 24-7 Attacks me with Acoustic weapon since i was deported to Canada from Plymouth Devon UK in 2002 - sleep Deprivation - you would not believe what this Device can Actually do to my Mind + Body while Asleep + awake - low frequency sound - ears painful + Brain Numb + head Aches + poor vision + slurred speach + chest pains hard to breath + eyes blood red - CSIS has covertly put a - chemical into my food + water to help this Device CSIS + MI5 stops my mail + emails + phone calls to my family + lawyer + MP [name blurred] Auntie [name and address blurred] [name blurred] [company name blurred] [address blurred] Plymouth Devon [postal code blurred] UK / [name blurred] [address blurred] Ave. princerock, Plymouth, Devon / ASK [name blurred] about [name blurred] trying to sell me handguns for CSIS to CSIS could frame me up to use me for experiments - CSIS blackmailed [name blurred] he had sunk his boat for insurrence money in Vancouver - he told me / CSIS had RCMP have me sign forms for a mock crime while i had no sleep for Days - [names and numbers (badge numbers? case numbers? random numbers?) blurred] is OK she knows [name blurred] who had me sign forms for CSIS people who CSIS has stopped from helping me return home - [association name and street number blurred] East hastings St - Van / [name blurred] BC civil liBerties / [name blurred] Amnesty / [name and street number blurred] west pender St - Van [suite number blurred] a lawyer - [name blurred] lawyers secretary gave CSIS letters she should have given to [name blurred] for human rights that i gave her - RCMP showed me them to piss me off. [name blurred] - pro_Bono) please mail this note to a lawyer in Britain + email lawyers in Canada + Britain for human rights or Torture organizations Thank you this is Canada the true north please help me [name blurred]. SIN [number blurred] - British SIN [number blurred] Internet Cafe - fax - fedex - Good luck

I'm pretty sure this would be the same nutter that was spray-painting things about CSIS around the neighbourhood just before and during the Olympics. Remarkable that the symptoms he's listed match up with a crack or meth addiction. 
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Just try and say "Darth [livejournal.com profile] tharsis, the Sith" three times fast.
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http://www.araneum.ca/bailmeout/

Times are tough. It's not just multi-billion-dollar banks and mutinationals that could use help, bail me out!
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Here we have the latest news from the world of sports:


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Quickly, Robin - the Bat Rope!
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It snowed in Moscow today.
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McDonald's hashbrowns smell remarkably similar to [livejournal.com profile] tharsis's vomit.
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Enough to fill a bucket.
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As the Skytrain rolled past the 1960's concrete towers near Lougheed Mall I started thinking about how these buildings were the inspiration for the apartments-on-stalks in the Jetsons. It's a matter of extrapolation: the car park takes up the first few floors and the upper floors are the more desirable apartments. Why bother building the lower floors at all if no-one wants to live in them? And with the flying cars in the context of 1960's car-culture you no longer have the need for the ground-level parking and entrance - obviously people would simply fly in and out of the upper floors directly and never need to walk anywhere.

So then I started thinking about what life would be like in the Jetsons future for people who weren't Vice Presidents at Spacely Sprokets or their whiny, privileged, bleach-blond daughters? What of all the poor sods put out of work by Rosie the robot maid and her ilk? What miserable life would they be living down on the surface, forgotten below these unassailable towers of bourgeois privilege? Would miserable shanty villages be huddled up against the bases of the towers to tap into what little heat and power could be gleaned off the service shaft? Would their inhabitants survive off the cast-offs from the ten thousand slovenly, video-game addicted, overweight Elroy's above? Between the tower bases would there be the hollowed out, abandoned shells of closed businesses that once thrived on pedestrian traffic? What horrors lurk beneath the world of George and Jane Jetson?

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So [livejournal.com profile] valerian is sitting by me, with [livejournal.com profile] _jazz_ in her lap, expanding her Evil eBay Empire and mentions that she has the theme to "The Rockford Files" stuck in her head for no reason.

"We have that on a record," I mention, and proceed to pull out this gem:


Side One:
Octopussy
I Spy
Reilly: Ace of Spies
Casino Royale
Ipcress File (A Man Alone)
Thunderball
Man From UNCLE
The Prisoner
The James Bond Theme

Side Two:
Our Man Flint
Moonraker
The Spy Who Came In From The Cold
Run Spy Run
Get Smart
You Only Live Twice
007
Goldfinger
The Rockford Files

All in instrumental glory by random studio musicians. Pressed in 1984 and bought used in 1986 from Lyle's Place on Yates Street in Victoria for the princely sum of $6.95.


Any questioning of the obscure random crap in my record collection will result in Bill Cosby busting a cap in your ass. Hiding behind a tennis racket won't save you. (This image is on the back of the record jacket, BTW.)

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