A Really Sucky Night

[mbarrick]

I cannot begin to express how utterly nauseating (in a Sartrean sense) and miserable tonight was. She gave back the ring and I lost my composure. Grown man crying time. Never a pretty sight. I fucked this up. Why? Because I am a mess. I am Rip Van Winkle before his nap. I'm Woody Allen. I am completely oblivious as to what I really want out of life and I drag people along from the ride as I make one fuck up after another. I am, in fact, so pathetic that I suck up for sympathy in my blog.

I really need to get my head screwed on straight.

Comments

[mbarrick.livejournal.com]

It's not that I feel I didn't do everything I could. I'm just not at all happy with how little that turned out to be. I'm not the man I thought I was and discovered more damage than I thought I had.

Yeah, she's not blameless, but it does me no good to reflect on what went wrong on the other side beyond learning to see it coming sooner. But my shortcomings are something I can address directly.

[seymour-glass.livejournal.com]

nice i started twice and had them erased...i feel that when you look at things now you may feel you had less to give than you believed you were capable of...but upon reflection down the road you may find it was more than you realize at this moment...we tend to downplay our abilities when we fail to achieve that which we set out for...you may have never realized your shortcomings had you never tested them...now you have identified them, which puts you miles ahead of most people...now they can be addressed and reduced...and i think we all underestimate what we may find on the path to ourselves until we actually commit to taking that journey...good for you for not dwelling on the culpability of others...for you are right the only lesson is to identify it and avoid in the future if possible...and no matter what it's always a shitty place to be...and though it might not seem like a great deal of comfort in the moment you do have a lot of good friends to support you...make good use of them...you've already taken the toughest step...